Mommy Guilt

I have so much mommy guilt today. You are home from school for the 3rd time this week due to horrible diarrhea. I feel helpless because I can't stop it. If I were to ask someone advice, they would most likely tell me to feed you certain foods. Well, that doesn't work in this household. Nobody seems to get that you eat about 5 foods, none of them nutritious or healthy in any way. So this leads to more guilt that I can't get you to eat the foods your body so desperately needs. I have a confession to make- a few months ago at your private therapy clinic, I watched as a mom lovingly tube fed her young daughter in the waiting room. I was so jealous of them which led me to wonder why I would wish a feeding tube on my sweet boy. After several days I realized that it was actually about the fact that even though her daughter couldn't feed herself, the mom was able to put yummy, nutritious foods into her child's body for her. Meanwhile, I feel like such a failure as a mom for not being able to help you. You hate  feeding therapy with every fiber of your being. For this reason, I avoid doing it with you like the plague. I can't help but think that a "Supermom" would do it anyway just to make some progress. I guess I'm not that mom.

Daddy thinks it's your new supplements that are causing your tummy issues. But we are on week 6 of them so I have a hard time believing that. You have also been throwing up in the middle of the night about twice a week. I can't explain that either.

My chatter box!

My poor buddy, you have been sick this past week. Nothing horrible, but just enough to keep you home from school. That's ok because I loved our special time together!
We recently started you on 2 supplements that were recommended by the neurologist. One was supposed to help your appetite- so not working but at least you are getting some good nutrients in! The other is for your speech. We have been using it a little over 2 weeks now and wow! What an improvement! You were already starting to talk a lot more but now you articulate so much more! You also repeat things that we say (could get dangerous ;-) ) which cracks us up and makes you say it even more!
You are very into needing joint compressions lately, especially at night. You like to sit on the very edge of the couch and bounce while watching tv. You also love your trampoline. On Saturday, we went to our neighborhood Fall Festival and you stayed in the bouncy house for over 2 hours! There were some pretty rough kids in there tackling each other and doing flips but you stayed in the corner, bouncing and squealing. What was really impressive though was when you did stand up, you could bounce for several minutes without holding on! I remember when we first started doing PT at Monkey Joe's and you couldn't even stand up in the bouncy house! Now you are a little kangaroo!
For Halloween you are going to be a firefighter. Let's hope I can get just one picture with the hat on!
You are loving school and get very excited when I walk you up to the door and hand you off to the teachers. Our first teacher conference is the morning of Halloween. Hopefully she has noting but wonderful things to say about my smart boy!
Your private OT introduced us to a new app called Letter School.She also has one of those iPad pens that looks like a crayon. You took to it immediately and are a champ at tracing letters! I went to get you one of those crayons right away. You still like to use your pointer finger mostly but at least you are getting some handwriting practice in.
Yesterday I walked into your playroom to find the most wonderful thing! You had built an impressive Lego tower, complete with Pooh Bear and Piglet figurines sitting in Lego chairs! In the past, you would just throw the Lego's around to hear the noise they made. Now you play with them age appropriately!
I'm such a proud Mommy!!
I Love You!!

We're getting there....

Things have gotten much better since my last post. Pick up and drop off at school is much easier. You know the routine now and do really well with it. This, in turn, makes mommy less anxious and worried about you! I still miss you and can't wait for pick up but at least neither one of us is crying all day!
After seeing an awesome new neurologist last week, you are on a new supplement that is supposed to help with your appetite. I really hope it starts working soon because you are currently living on Cheez-its and vanilla wafers! I ordered another supplement that is supposed to improve your speech but we haven't gotten it yet. Some of the side effects sound a little scary but should only last about a week or two.
You are so, so smart and make mommy proud every single day!!
Love you!!

Missing my other half

I'm pretty sure that most people would say consider their spouse their other half. For me, you are my world. Ever since you started back to school, I am having such a hard time. I feel like I can't breathe when you aren't here. I watch the clock and countdown the hours (and minutes) until you come home. I realize that this isn't healthy for me as a mommy but I don't know what else to do. I can't help that I miss you so much. I feel like I need a Xanax just to drop you off at school. This morning your lower lip came out as I walked away. I got in the car and sobbed. In fact, it's been almost 2 hours and I'm still crying as I write this. I know you like school and that transitions can be hard for you, but your teachers say that you always have a good day. I didn't like going to school when I was little (probably anxiety related) so I feel extremely guilty for sending you. Since you can't tell me how you feel about school, I just assume the worst. I know, this is my problem not yours but it is still so so hard.
Love, your heartbroken mommy

Summer

We have had an interesting summer. First, you landed in the ER with a stomach bug that left you so dehydrated. After and IV and some meds for nausea, you were released. You still got sick a few more times over the next week but eventually that yucky bug let us! On June 27th, you were running through the house and tripped. You put both hands out to catch yourself but your left arm just sort of snapped. I will never forget the horrible scream you let out! I saw that your arm was actually curved where it broke so once again we were off to the ER. Since you had recently eaten and needed to be put under to have your arm set. we had a crazy long wait. You around 6 (I think) and we didn't get home until almost 1:30 am. You had your cast on for 5 weeks and were such a trooper! It didn't slow you down at all! The hardest part was keeping it dry during bath time. Now you are in a brace for another week and a half, but at least you can take it off for bath time and to sleep.
School starts in a couple of weeks and you will be going 5 full days/week. I am going to miss our time together so much!! You are my buddy and we have settled into a routine over the summer.
You are talking and reading like a champ! We are so proud of you!! Now if only we could get the eating thing figured out.....

                         

First Field Trip!

Today you went on your first field trip to Discovery Place Kids. Since you don't go to school on Thursdays, I got to take you there to meet your class. Good thing I did because you were all over the place! There were so many fun things to see and it was very crowded and chaotic! You would have never stayed with your teachers! I chased you around and snapped pictures at every opportunity (most of which came out blurry due to your constant motion!) Right at noon, the whole place emptied out and your class left. We had our lunch at a little table by the lobby. Then, since it was so empty, we played some more! You definitely did not want to leave but fell asleep in the car for awhile. I'm so proud that you were not scared of the firetruck or tractor! I think your favorite part was the water play- of course!!

Autism Awareness Day!

Rockin' our blue!!

Another diagnosis...just for fun!

It's been awhile since you have diagnosed with something new so why not! All joking aside, your OT/feeding therapist recently mentioned to me that you fit the description of having Selective Eating Disorder (SED) vs. just being a picky eater. I have joined many Facebook groups and blogs to try and help you through this.

This chart describes you perfectly!

Bowling!

Yesterday we took you bowling. You have been many times as an infant but this was only your second time participating. We were smart this time and sent Daddy in to get our lane all set up before I brought you in. (last time you didn't like all the waiting) You were so excited when you realized where we were! You liked to help us push the ball down the lane but mostly just wanted to sit in my lap and squeal with delight while Daddy bowled. We used the bumpers again but forgot to ask for a ramp for you to roll the ball down. We will definitely do that next time! We were so proud of you and got you a little plastic smiley face ball out of those quarter machines in the lobby. You have been carrying it around ever since.  It's the little things....

You never stop amazing me.....

Even though you are just learning to talk, we were shocked and ecstatic to find you that you know how to read (and mostly spell) over 30 words!! You spelled bus for me one day about a month ago with your magnetic letters, then spelled BINGO with your foam letters in the bathtub. We started writing names of animals and colors and you pretty much knew them all! SO SMART!!!!! Brayden, you make us so proud!!

This morning we went to Chuck E. Cheese for the first time. You loved it and just ran around for about 30 minutes, checking out all the games and flashing lights. Once you discovered that putting tokens in the machines made cool things happen, you were hooked! Your favorites were the baseball and football games. We stayed for about 2 and a half hours but you were still mad when we left! Together we won 186 tickets which we turned in for some fabulous cheap prizes.

Awesome cheap crap won!

Picture from a ride

Checking out Mr. Chuck E Cheese himself!

Your favorite baseball game

Still Life

For over a year now, you have been leaving your toys in the funniest positions. I love to walk into a room when you are nowhere to be found, however, you have "staged" objects in hilarious ways! I started taking pictures of them and calling them your Still Life collection. Here are some favorites-

Remembering your "official" autism diagnosis

I wrote this on January 3, 2012 and posted it to Facebook- As most of you know, Brayden was diagnosed in July of 2010 with a genetic disorder called Fragile X syndrome. Two weeks ago he had his first autism evaluation. The result- he displayed several autistic tendencies. Ok, no big surprise there. Well, today he had his final evaluation to find out where he fell on the autism spectrum. The scale ranges from 15-60, with 60 being severly autistic. Brayden scored a 35 which is mild to moderate autism. Once again, this is not shocking nor devastating to Dan and I. In fact, nothing will change as far as therapy or our daily routine. He is still the same sweet, lovable and incredibly smart little boy that I love with all my heart. I don't know what I would have done without all the positive support from all of you! I love that everyone shares in our little milestones whether they understand this way of life or not. That is why I am sharing this diagnoses with you all. The words of encouragement mean so much.... Love you all, Erin

4 and Fabulous!

You recently turned 4 years old! Wow! You have made such progress over the past month. We discovered that you can read (and usually spell) at least 30 words!! Your speech has also improved so much. You are a little parrot and I love it! Daddy and I laugh all the time at the awesome things you say! You are doing so well in school and in therapy We are still working on feeding issues. You make mommy so proud everyday! Here are some pictures from your birthday weekend. We celebrated with your favorite dog, Marlee!