Mommy Guilt

I have so much mommy guilt today. You are home from school for the 3rd time this week due to horrible diarrhea. I feel helpless because I can't stop it. If I were to ask someone advice, they would most likely tell me to feed you certain foods. Well, that doesn't work in this household. Nobody seems to get that you eat about 5 foods, none of them nutritious or healthy in any way. So this leads to more guilt that I can't get you to eat the foods your body so desperately needs. I have a confession to make- a few months ago at your private therapy clinic, I watched as a mom lovingly tube fed her young daughter in the waiting room. I was so jealous of them which led me to wonder why I would wish a feeding tube on my sweet boy. After several days I realized that it was actually about the fact that even though her daughter couldn't feed herself, the mom was able to put yummy, nutritious foods into her child's body for her. Meanwhile, I feel like such a failure as a mom for not being able to help you. You hate  feeding therapy with every fiber of your being. For this reason, I avoid doing it with you like the plague. I can't help but think that a "Supermom" would do it anyway just to make some progress. I guess I'm not that mom.

Daddy thinks it's your new supplements that are causing your tummy issues. But we are on week 6 of them so I have a hard time believing that. You have also been throwing up in the middle of the night about twice a week. I can't explain that either.

My chatter box!

My poor buddy, you have been sick this past week. Nothing horrible, but just enough to keep you home from school. That's ok because I loved our special time together!
We recently started you on 2 supplements that were recommended by the neurologist. One was supposed to help your appetite- so not working but at least you are getting some good nutrients in! The other is for your speech. We have been using it a little over 2 weeks now and wow! What an improvement! You were already starting to talk a lot more but now you articulate so much more! You also repeat things that we say (could get dangerous ;-) ) which cracks us up and makes you say it even more!
You are very into needing joint compressions lately, especially at night. You like to sit on the very edge of the couch and bounce while watching tv. You also love your trampoline. On Saturday, we went to our neighborhood Fall Festival and you stayed in the bouncy house for over 2 hours! There were some pretty rough kids in there tackling each other and doing flips but you stayed in the corner, bouncing and squealing. What was really impressive though was when you did stand up, you could bounce for several minutes without holding on! I remember when we first started doing PT at Monkey Joe's and you couldn't even stand up in the bouncy house! Now you are a little kangaroo!
For Halloween you are going to be a firefighter. Let's hope I can get just one picture with the hat on!
You are loving school and get very excited when I walk you up to the door and hand you off to the teachers. Our first teacher conference is the morning of Halloween. Hopefully she has noting but wonderful things to say about my smart boy!
Your private OT introduced us to a new app called Letter School.She also has one of those iPad pens that looks like a crayon. You took to it immediately and are a champ at tracing letters! I went to get you one of those crayons right away. You still like to use your pointer finger mostly but at least you are getting some handwriting practice in.
Yesterday I walked into your playroom to find the most wonderful thing! You had built an impressive Lego tower, complete with Pooh Bear and Piglet figurines sitting in Lego chairs! In the past, you would just throw the Lego's around to hear the noise they made. Now you play with them age appropriately!
I'm such a proud Mommy!!
I Love You!!

We're getting there....

Things have gotten much better since my last post. Pick up and drop off at school is much easier. You know the routine now and do really well with it. This, in turn, makes mommy less anxious and worried about you! I still miss you and can't wait for pick up but at least neither one of us is crying all day!
After seeing an awesome new neurologist last week, you are on a new supplement that is supposed to help with your appetite. I really hope it starts working soon because you are currently living on Cheez-its and vanilla wafers! I ordered another supplement that is supposed to improve your speech but we haven't gotten it yet. Some of the side effects sound a little scary but should only last about a week or two.
You are so, so smart and make mommy proud every single day!!
Love you!!

Missing my other half

I'm pretty sure that most people would say consider their spouse their other half. For me, you are my world. Ever since you started back to school, I am having such a hard time. I feel like I can't breathe when you aren't here. I watch the clock and countdown the hours (and minutes) until you come home. I realize that this isn't healthy for me as a mommy but I don't know what else to do. I can't help that I miss you so much. I feel like I need a Xanax just to drop you off at school. This morning your lower lip came out as I walked away. I got in the car and sobbed. In fact, it's been almost 2 hours and I'm still crying as I write this. I know you like school and that transitions can be hard for you, but your teachers say that you always have a good day. I didn't like going to school when I was little (probably anxiety related) so I feel extremely guilty for sending you. Since you can't tell me how you feel about school, I just assume the worst. I know, this is my problem not yours but it is still so so hard.
Love, your heartbroken mommy

Summer

We have had an interesting summer. First, you landed in the ER with a stomach bug that left you so dehydrated. After and IV and some meds for nausea, you were released. You still got sick a few more times over the next week but eventually that yucky bug let us! On June 27th, you were running through the house and tripped. You put both hands out to catch yourself but your left arm just sort of snapped. I will never forget the horrible scream you let out! I saw that your arm was actually curved where it broke so once again we were off to the ER. Since you had recently eaten and needed to be put under to have your arm set. we had a crazy long wait. You around 6 (I think) and we didn't get home until almost 1:30 am. You had your cast on for 5 weeks and were such a trooper! It didn't slow you down at all! The hardest part was keeping it dry during bath time. Now you are in a brace for another week and a half, but at least you can take it off for bath time and to sleep.
School starts in a couple of weeks and you will be going 5 full days/week. I am going to miss our time together so much!! You are my buddy and we have settled into a routine over the summer.
You are talking and reading like a champ! We are so proud of you!! Now if only we could get the eating thing figured out.....

                         

First Field Trip!

Today you went on your first field trip to Discovery Place Kids. Since you don't go to school on Thursdays, I got to take you there to meet your class. Good thing I did because you were all over the place! There were so many fun things to see and it was very crowded and chaotic! You would have never stayed with your teachers! I chased you around and snapped pictures at every opportunity (most of which came out blurry due to your constant motion!) Right at noon, the whole place emptied out and your class left. We had our lunch at a little table by the lobby. Then, since it was so empty, we played some more! You definitely did not want to leave but fell asleep in the car for awhile. I'm so proud that you were not scared of the firetruck or tractor! I think your favorite part was the water play- of course!!

Autism Awareness Day!

Rockin' our blue!!