Testing out the "A" word....

Hi sweet boy,
This morning we enjoyed a free breakfast at Chick-fil-a! Yum! (I say "I" because you have an aversion to foods that aren't crunchy)You enjoyed the play/climbing area while I ate. Then I joined you. There was a very nice mom there with her 2 children who were 2 and 4 years old. The 4 year old tried to say hi to you but you just stared at her. The mom and I started talking and we got on the subject of schools (they live in our neighborhood). She asked what pre-school you would be attending. I told her we didn't know yet but that it would be a special needs class. She didn't ask but I went on to explain that you had autism and received lots of therapy. For some reason mommy feels the need to try out that "a" word every once in awhile on a stranger. I don't know why....it just feels different to say it out loud. Not good or bad. Just different.
Last weekend, I was at the grocery store alone (What?????? Unheard of!!) The cashier and I started talking about our children. She asked if we wanted another child. Rather than explain our "tmi" story of how we would be testing all my eggs for Fragile X, then doing ivf....blah, blah, blah....., I simply said that you had some special needs due to autism and that our main focus was currently on all your therapy. It felt really good to say it out loud. Again, I'm not sure why, but it was freeing. :-)As it turns out, the cashiers son was in PT and had gotten fitted for foot and ankle orthotics (like yours!) the week before! It just goes to show you, everybody has a story....
We also received out autism speaks car magnet and it sits proudly on the back of our car along with the "Cure Fragile X" magnet! Mommy and Daddy are very proud to show our support :-)
The other day I had an interesting thought. You had already had a meltdown at Marlee's photo shoot, so we left early. Well daddy was almost ready to be picked up from work so I decided to swing by Target on the way. Now, I know that seems like a horrible idea for a 2 year old who just had a meltdown, but you LOVE Target so I thought I could get away with it. Well, you were mad and head banging the cart the whole time so I rushed right to the checkout. Of course we ended up waiting for what seemed like forever while you struggled, arched your back and slapped mommy across the face. I'm sure the other customers were horrified that I was "allowing" you to do this, but they don't know your story so I just calmly kept repeating, "it's OK, we're almost done..." By the time we left I was sweating and I couldn't feel my left arm from carrying you. Whew! As I got into the driver's seat, for a split second I almost said, "thanks a lot for embarrassing mommy!" but I quickly stopped myself. It is not your fault that I dragged you there after you had already warned me that you had reached the end of your rope by throwing another tantrum just 10 minutes before! That was all mommy's fault! I should have taken your cue and driven straight to Daddy's work. Lesson learned.
On another note- as i was typing this, I got a call from the school system giving all the dates for your preschool evaluation, etc. Yikes! This is really happening, isn't it?!?!
**Cue the anxiety!!**
I love you little man!
Mommy

Dear Brayden....

Hello my sweet boy! You are now 2 years and 10 months old! I can't believe we will be celebrating your 3rd birthday in just a little over a month. What a crazy year it has been. We have tried hard to find the best way (for our family) to give you a sibling. Stay tuned on that :-) Mommy has had a very hard time with getting your preschool stuff together. It is actually quite simple- print out proof of residency, birth certificate, etc...yet i have had the hardest time getting these items gathered. Mommy is so anxious about you going to preschool. Mostly because you can't talk and i can't explain to you what is going to happen. You will be in a special needs class which our friend Karen has promised us is a very wonderful place with caring teachers. What will mommy do without her little man all day?? We have never been apart before. I know you will just love school though and mommy's anxiety will have been for nothing :)**fingers crossed** You recently got your autism diagnoses but daddy and i are very hopeful. One of the reasons for your diagnoses was your lack of speech but that is changing all the time. (your favorite thing to say now is "uh-oh!") Also, lack of social skills with children your own age. That too will change in school. Lastly, your love of anything that spins and repetitive behavior. Honestly, I can't imagine you NOT having that characteristic! It is just who you are :)
Brayden, you are so, so smart and loveable and funny. You are mommy's world. You love to climb, jump and play ipad. Your problem solving skills even amaze your therapists. Since moving into your toddler bed earlier this week, you have a new routine of coming to climb into bed with me early in the morning. How wonderful to wake up snuggling with my sweet boy.

I love you very much little man!!

Mommy

Don't think, just write.

So I have struggled with writing on this blog for almost 2 years now. I read other people's blogs and they are so good at writing their thoughts and feelings and I feel as if I can't organize my thoughts enough to get them out and onto the computer screen. So, i figured that perhaps the best way would be to just write straight to my sweet boy. So, here goes.......